Sometimes.. Sometimes I do miss my mum.. It’s not like I think about her everyday. She’s not important to me. I hate her for who she is.

I miss her everyday, I wish she was around to see me through the days where I feel lowest. She’s not a goddess, my mum, but she’s the first woman I respected and loved. I wouldn’t change anything about her.


I’m not okay but I have to cope don’t I? Can’t live the rest of my life in my bed, crying— because that’s not what me dad would want, he’d want me to make him proud and that’s what I’m gonna try and do. I would of thought you’d be getting bored of me being here now, Pads— Ya don’t want me staying in Bristol, do ya? I bet ya’d have much more fun without me, ere. I’ll get ya’ an oyster card anyway, out of me wages, cause I’m nice like that and I’ve missed a fair few of ya’ birthdays when I was in Newcastle, and I ‘ave an apartment, so if I do leave and Alex don’t want it, ya’ can have that, or ya’ can both share. Or if stay, ya can have the spare room, and yes it has an en-suite.

I can handle myself, babe—  and if not you should be my body guard, god knows you’ve hand enough experience looking after me. It’s good pay, either I’m modelling underwear, or normal clothes, it’s pretty fun actually.

Yes, yes—  I’ll get ya’ a kebab, you’re a fucking nag, ya’ know that?


You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, you know that, don’t ya? Sienna, you have to know what.

Of course I want you to stay, you daft mare. More than anything, I might go insane without you. Don’t go. You’ll have a much better time ‘ere. Stay won’t you, stay. You have everything here. Go and unpack your bags. What’s going on, I mean why would you want to go? Put your shit in my room if you have to, I promise I’ll make you breakfast in the morning. I’ll sleep on the sofa.. At least stay for tonight.. We can sort something in the morning. Stay, Sienna. I can’t see you walking away again, I had enough heartbreak at 10 years old - Almost a better love story than that one with the shiny vampire. 

Don’t pretend that stopping in there is an inconvenience to your life, you’ll only end up getting on for yourself.


Afternoon to you too, seems like your morning was way more exciting than mine.


By the looks of ya’, yeah.


"Sounds tragic."


You know what it’s like around ‘ere, Effy. Worse than Eastenders, I day call the camera crew and we’d earn a living out of being taken for a mug, the crack heads would put on a right show, the kids would have a field day and as for the loved up pricks - They could have their wedding pay for and we’d  glitter tracing the streets, I bet you’d find it everywhere at the end of the day.. That’s one look I don’t think I’d be able to pull off.


Awh — you poor thing. Maybe that’s what you get for ditching your dear, wonderful friend in good ol’ Bristol with all these lame, depressing people. Karma’s a bitch. Didn’t know how much longer I could handle staring at the same, zombified faces.


I was going to invite you with me, honest, but I didn’t know where you were, thought you’d fallen off the face of the earth and I’m sure you stole my London calling CD. The lads would of loved having a girl around camp, it would of turned into a sex fest, forget the music - or at least you would. I haven’t seen you since we hooked up.. I don’t know Cat, I thought you were in a pissy - I’ve never had any complaints, it must’ve been you. A guy can’t do right for doing wrong, you know that. 

Give them a break, you’d be the same if you couldn’t get a job and the dole office wouldn’t give you tax payers money, they have to feed their dozen kids out of bins, out of bins.


"What fun. Remind me to open a champagne for you afterwards."


I’m not really a champagne lover, I can’t do posh. Next you’ll be handing me a crystal glass, it aint going to reach my lips but the head of a stoner.


Don’t you just love it here? image

Run while you still can.

Almost as much as I love that dress on you.. Yeah, no, I’m just joshing ya’. Can’t blame a guy for trying to be remotely funny, or cool. Now I’ve just made it worse by saying the word cool. Fuck.

Listen, I’m going to blame this embarrassing encounter on my lack of sleep and you’re just going to have to go with it..- Because.. I’ll have to dig and dish the dirt out on you, it’s the only way.


"Sounds like an exciting five minutes."image

Best time of my life. 

But seriously, you’re dull. I mean, not dull, your hair is a vibrant colour and I’m certain all ginger ninja’s are convinced they are immortal..- But dull because you think that was the most exhilarating time..- Belive me I’m mourning the loss of a piece of plastic, my hope in humanity has been booted out of me and I’m not going to get to see any tits today. I’d say I’ve had a tragic time which could almost measure up to Romeo and Juliet’s self -slaughter. 


Come on, dad— seeing hard nips at Porthcrawl are life goals. Smile, your oyster card is granting a little boy’s hopes and dreams to come true.


Hey— is that you, Mr. September?

I thought that was your fantasy, you’re the one creeping onto me whilst I’m boosting my hygiene level. That oyster card was supposed to be granting this boy’s hopes and dreams..- Now I’m just going to have to hail the holy Lord and we aren’t exactly on speaking terms. 

Mr. September? Nah babe, I was born in October, close though.


Nah, to be fair I always like ya’ in joggers babe— yeah, I’m just that good looking, that’s why it amazes ya’— nah, I’m kidding but yeah, I’m pretty unpredictable, so I don’t blame ya in the slightest. 


Me? I’m alright— my dear old da’ left me his house so I can either move back to Newcastle, which is a huge possibility or I can sell it and keep the money in investments, and he’s definitely looking down on me because I’m a model now, fucking top money too. — Don’t apologize babes, I did miss ya’ tho, Bristol weren’t the same without your face. As long as ya’ had a good time in sunshine city. 

I’d say ya’ could have mine but my name is on it, so ya’ can’t. 

You sure you’re alright, because if you’re not, well you don’t have to be. That’s ace, Si, but don’t you dare pack up those skimpy outfits and ditch me. Sell it, get me a new oyster card.. - I’d praise the ground you walk on, truly..- and buy a flat ‘ere, if you’re scared of living alone I’ll volunteer and claim the bedroom with the en-suite..- I’d be glad to get out of Keith’s, I mean I’ve been here for a year now and I’m still not getting anywhere fast. 

You’re a model.. Wow. I can’t say I’m happy, it’s a dangerous industry with a shit load of creeps, babe. 

I missed you too, more than a chicken kebab from Mikey’s after a ton of tequila. You’re going to get me one of them too, right? With this money..


At least now, you have pants, huh? —…What? You mean you’re not desperate to get a glimpse of those grade D tween breasticles? Fuck— you really have changed.


Would say I missed ya, but there’s no actual photographic proof of my Gabriella Montez worthy sob-fest over you skipping down, so.

I’m the biggest change since Chris Brown used Rihanna as a punch bag and still managed to be a multimillion record seller, and he changed within 24 hours. Being in a different place where clothed females are basically non-existent keeps me cumming for a good ten years.

Don’t kid me Meg, you missed my ass and you know it. Alright, alright..- Hold your horses, I expect nothing less than a sing song right now.


Looks like you’ve had a pretty shit time— maybe the fact that I’m here will make you happier. How are you, Pads? And what a bad time, someone stole your oyster card, such a shame. 


Nah, just the travelling, it’s never good you know, do I look like a scruff in joggers? Yeah, your face never ceases to amaze me, always a mix of two emotions, I never know which way you’re going to snap. Highlight of my sodding life that.

I’m as best as you can be when you leave your mates back in sunshine city, what about you? Your dad’s down under now.. That can’t be easy, but at least he tried when he could. I’d replace him with mine any day - Let him rot in hell for ya’, I’m sorry I weren’t ‘ere to hold your hand or nowt. 

It’s a fuckin’ tragedy babe, you know why, that piece of plastic can get you anywhere, I’m not saying it’ll get you high you know.. - it’s not that handy, but it’s alright.

Five minutes in, my trainers are covered in crap, my oyster card had been nabbed by one of those semi’s desperate to see prepubescent tits at Porthcawl, not forgetting the four year old who was clearly cursing at a guy because he looked a bit like a dope. 

Gods gift to women.

Anonymous: mfk: sienna, meg, effy

These are all evidently important women in my life one way or another, forced or not.

M: Effy, she’s older than me, I like the idea of being somebody’s toyboy.

F: Meg.. - I’m counting on it, she might be a cunt to deal with but I know she wants me too.

K: I had my chance to marry Sienna, and I’ve already had her, I want something knew. We didn’t click like we were supposed to, she drove me crazy but I still love her as my best friend, even if I have chosen to bury her 6ft under.